Open Letter to Bright Legs

Dear Mr. Short Shorts,
I am just writing to thank you for motivating me yesterday at the gym.
It was cold outside and I had to use a lot of positive self-talk to get myself to the Fieldhouse after school. I was feeling lousy when I started a slow jog around the track. Then, I saw you. The glare of your bright legs beaming up ahead for all to see.
As a fellow runner, I too appreciate the aerodynamic fit of shorter shorts. However, I am a woman. In our society, I can get away with short shorts. It helps that I shave my legs. You Sir, are obviously not a woman. Therefore, you do not shave your legs. I noticed that from about 100 metres away.
No matter what I tried thinking about, my eyes would always wander back to your absurdly white legs. They were distracting (and not in a good way). I felt compelled to pass you. I sped up. I ran faster then I normally do. Finally, after 9 laps of the glare, I was successful. I managed to keep my speed up and I finished my 4 km in record time.
Thank-you!