Terminal

The bread wasn't frozen when I went to make toast. That was the first clue. The celery is limp. Clue #2. Oh... something's wrong with our fridge.
I'm no mechanic and neither is my sweet man so, I called the Fridge Doctor. He had the best ad in the Yellow pages and sounded really nice on the phone. He came last night.
"It's terminal. I've done all I can. Your fridge is dead."

Really? My fridge is but 2 1/2 years old.
The warranty expired in May.

Trevor went to the place we bought it to lay the smackdown on the dealer. He brought Simon for a little extra muscle. The dealer is getting us new guts for the fridge. We should get a loaner fridge... maybe Monday. Until then, it's lukewarm carrots, chunky milk and meat that I'm afraid of. Good thing we'll be dining out for the next 2 nights.

A new slant on Dylan Thomas

One of my favorite poems to teach (when the powers that be force me... French Immersion me... to teach English???? - oh foolish, foolish powers) is Dylan Thomas' "Do not go gentle into that good night". I think it's a fabulous poem.
Lately, I've been thinking that a few of the lines are Simon's new anti-sleep mantra:
"Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
"Do not go gentle into that good night"

The kid is currently down for the count. I'm not sure how long my "break" will last. Enough time to fold laundry? put away groceries? finish this blog?

My chubby dictator has a snooze button?

This morning, after a silly nights of nursing and fussing, Simon woke up at 6:30 am. I bounced him back to sleep (this involved 300 squats on my part... forget about a gym membership when mothering Simon). At 7:50 am, I heard some fussing and thought that this was a much more acceptable time to wake up. I picked up my baby only to have him fall back to sleep. So, I went back to bed. This happened again at 8 am, 8:10 am and finally at 8:20 am. Yeesh! I've never been a big fan of the snooze button... when you're up, you're up. Apparently, my sometimes benevolent, sometimes malevolent chubby dictator has other plans.

Back on track

Last night, Simon slept for 6 hours, ate and then slept for 4 more.
Simon didn't yell at me in the car today when we went to WalMart. (Thanks to a handy DVD player and Baby Einstein, Simon was calm, collected and cool the whole 7 minute trip. If you'd have asked me 4 months ago if I'd let my 3 1/2 month old watch a DVD in the car, I would have poo-pooed all over that idea. Now... I embrace whatever keeps my child from having a meltdown. I choose sanity; please don't judge.)
Simon is napping right now IN HIS CRIB. (He used to do just fine in his crib. Then, he let it be known that, unless he was in his swing, he wouldn't stay asleep. The fact that he is back in the crib has me dancing in my seat as I type.)
I feel like myself again (sleeping through the night - for the most part sure has a way of making a girl feel good again).
Thanks for all your prayers and messages of encouragement.

P.S. - To the 12 individuals in WalMart today who asked me variations of "Oh... poor thing, what's wrong with his legs? Did he break them?", I wish I'd had the guts to reply, "Yes, he did break them. That's what happens when you try to walk and you're only 3 1/2 months." Snoopy strangers...

The picture above is of Simon turning the pages of his book. He's pretty cute about it.

On the mend...

After some Google research, I've discovered that most post-op infants revert back to newborn behaviours. That explains my very needy little man. I remember being awake with him a lot as a newborn... he grew out of that eventually and developed his own little routine. Now that his little world's been rocked, he's up a lot at night and feeding on demand. I feel a bit better knowing that.
Simon and I have started "assisted naps". I let him nap on his own until he wakes up 1/2 hr later and then I cuddle and nurse him back to another 1 hour and 1/2 of dreamland.

Undaunted by the casts, Simon is still quite determined to roll.

Sleepless in Simonville...

Simon's not the a great sleeper on his best days. We had a nice little routine where he would get up every 3-6 hours at night and have one long AM nap, two shorter PM naps and a short evening nap. Then, we had surgery. Nights have taken on a nightmarish quality with the of sound of wailing from an inconsolable baby. When we're lucky, we can get him to relax and drop back to a deeper sleep with lullabyes, shushing, nursing, lots of rocking and bouncing and the sound of the shower (yes... it's weird but, it works). Simon refuses to sleep in his crib. He's spending his nights in his swing.
Days are now a constant fight to get my little one to have good, deep naps. Today, he was the king of the cat nap with no real deep, healing rest.
Was it the morphine? Is it the casts? Is he such a touchy guy that the change of routine threw him for that much of a loop? Is he in pain? Does the Baby Tylenol bother him? Will he be like this again when he has his hand surgery? Will I ever have a normal sleep ever again?
I've read a lot about baby sleep. I have yet to come across helpful information for a baby who has just had surgery. I have yet to find success with the "put him in the crib and pat him to sleep" method. I refuse to let him cry it out. He just gets hysterical. I'm getting to be at my wit's end.
He's scary. I feel terrible for him. In the dead of night, I feel like I've failed him because I can't get him to sleep peacefully. Isn't that my job? If I can't get my baby to go to sleep, what's going to happen with bigger, more important things?
It's almost 9 pm. Trevor lulled the little man to sleep in his arms while watching the Riders play. How long will this last? When will this scary stage be a distant memory?

Wishing you all a good night and hoping one for myself.

Stable and Healing

Simon's surgery went well. Everything happened on time and as predicted. Simon's little legs have had their heel-cords lengthened (that's doctor speak for snipping the Achilles' tendon - it does grow back in infants... impossible for adults). Simon will have to wear this set of casts for 3 weeks, and then another set for 2 weeks after that. We're hopeful that this will correct Simon's clubfeet.

Simon's fast asleep in his swing right now. He whimpers and moans and we dole out the Baby Tylenol every 4 hours. He had morphine this morning and that seemed to take the edge off his pain. During his brief moments of lucidity, he's pretty groggy. He cries a lot when he's awake.

If you're praying, pray that he continues to sleep. Sleep numbs the pain and will help him heal. Pray also that he'll eat better. With an IV and the morphine, his appetite's been pretty off.

We're thankful that this is done and that Simon is on the road to recovery.

Tough Love

Simon has clubfeet,
100 years ago, Simon would have grown up lame.
In today's world, with casting and minor surgery, Simon
will be able to develop and walk sans problem.

Tomorrow, Simon will have his minor surgery.
It is a simple heel-cord snip on both legs.

I know it's just minor surgery and I know
it's necessary; I just don't
know how to explain all the
pain to my 3 month old.

Honestly, I'm scared.

If you get a chance and have the time, please
pray for my little boy.
We go to the hospital at 6:45 AM.
His surgery is at 8 AM.