Open Letter to My Body

Dear body,
I'm not very impressed with you. Don't you realize that I have to teach tomorrow? I'd rather not do it while hopped up on Pepto-Bismal and Tylenol. Because of you, I think I actually have to take a sick day! Do you know how much prep work is ahead of me? I'm guessing at least a 45 minutes creating a detailed lesson plan, at least 7 emails to colleagues who will have to cover responsibilities for me and a 1/2 hour calling and calling and calling someone to sub for me. Bah! I know that, in most professions, a sick day would require just one phone call to the boss. Not so for teachers! Body, do you understand the mental (as well as physical) stress that you are putting me through?
I really hope that tonight, you let me sleep soundly and don't wake me up with disturbing gastro-intestinal issues again. I did not appreciate at that in the slightest! If you think I'm grumpy with you now, what until you see how irate I'll become if you get any sicker!
Due to your extreme behaviour, you're going to bed right after Amazing Race and don't count on much besides crackers and water for supper!